the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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