so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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