i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
