I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
