make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
