My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
