drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
