and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
