the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
