Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
