Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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