everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
