so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
