dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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