I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize