the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
