Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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