What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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