Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I faked an abortion last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
