There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
