Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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