The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
