guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
