lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
