I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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