Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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