i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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