this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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