I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
