New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
