Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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