Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
