somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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