I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
