booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
