Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I could make wine with my vomit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
