I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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