I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
