I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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