Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
