All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
