I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found your dick twin last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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