WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
