Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
