yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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