dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
