i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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