I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
