your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
