I wish I could teleport
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
