I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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