The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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