I hate your face
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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