i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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