omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
