how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
