Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Prove it.

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(617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3

Replies (184) Good night (95092) Bad night (5196)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.

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(403): She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl. http://tfl.nu/n4eu

Replies (6) Good night (3794) Bad night (913)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?

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(989): I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel? http://tfl.nu/82ko

Replies (10) Good night (1163) Bad night (3900)
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(754): View more from Florida

you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

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(754): you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/syql

Replies (16) Good night (4461) Bad night (1162)
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(248): View more from Michigan

They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

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(248): They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick" http://tfl.nu/5fi0

Replies (13) Good night (4801) Bad night (1022)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.

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(303): Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me. http://tfl.nu/hog8

Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (2471)
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(516): View more from New York

i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher

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(516): i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher http://tfl.nu/pmh4

Replies (5) Good night (2390) Bad night (1048)
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(518): View more from New York

Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play

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(518): Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play http://tfl.nu/j01d

Replies (10) Good night (1679) Bad night (717)
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(310): View more from California

I'm so sick

(323): View more from California

I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

(310): View more from California

That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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(310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2

Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (1758)
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(785): View more from Kansas

The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.

(1-785): View more from Kansas

i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man

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(785): The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop. (1-785): i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man http://tfl.nu/s8dm

Replies (2) Good night (1415) Bad night (492)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.

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(574): I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/m1lp

Replies (7) Good night (1365) Bad night (354)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.

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(814): There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer. http://tfl.nu/un9n

Replies (4) Good night (911) Bad night (296)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV

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(773): Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV http://tfl.nu/tf9d

Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (286)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.

(419): View more from Ohio

You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!

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(630): I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend. (419): You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED! http://tfl.nu/6dil

Replies (3) Good night (818) Bad night (472)
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(323): View more from California

You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.

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(323): You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern. http://tfl.nu/mns4

Replies (3) Good night (893) Bad night (286)

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