Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
