Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
