Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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  (612): im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me http://tfl.nu/erth
  Replies (72) Good night (980) Bad night (2366)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

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  (828): Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us http://tfl.nu/ml7j
  Replies (3) Good night (2738) Bad night (662)
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  (650): View more from California

  you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"

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  (650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks" http://tfl.nu/u0u9
  Replies (18) Good night (5730) Bad night (555)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

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  (860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot
  Replies (212) Good night (772) Bad night (10495)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

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  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
  Replies (20) Good night (1573) Bad night (3903)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

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  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (1133) Bad night (6287)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4511) Bad night (1070)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok

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  (443): I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/hllh
  Replies (7) Good night (3216) Bad night (881)
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  (310): View more from California

  He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday

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  (310): He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday http://tfl.nu/b2jq
  Replies (11) Good night (3055) Bad night (1273)
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  (805): View more from California

  Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.

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  (805): Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea. http://tfl.nu/87ng
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (1645)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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  (+61): A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul. http://tfl.nu/nbi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1834) Bad night (447)
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  (310): View more from California

  Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.

  (310): View more from California

  It's the best of both worlds

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  (310): Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor. (310): It's the best of both worlds http://tfl.nu/n8mo
  Replies (6) Good night (693) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.

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  (858): There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie. http://tfl.nu/bbcq
  Replies (5) Good night (1004) Bad night (266)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short

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  (312): So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short http://tfl.nu/ro22
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war

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  (315): she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war http://tfl.nu/uvwx
  Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (371)

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