So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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