my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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