That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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