he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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