yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sext me about skeletons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
