I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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