Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
