Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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