I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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