Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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