I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
