So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
