HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
