she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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