My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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