so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
