He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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