you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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