U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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